Today’s bridge game had the following: two grand slams (we bid one and the other was a hand that was one of the two sets we didn’t get to play, so didn’t get the chance), a 50/50 small slam bid against us, making (the only table to bid it, sigh) … and then there was the following:

S: KQ H: AKQJT7x D: Kx C: Qx

20 HCP, but is it really? The solid suit is worth more than ten points, but the honors in short suits …. ugh. (To my surprise, KNR counts it as 22! But the DK count is 20-, which strikes me as closer. There’s a strong argument for opening 1 Heart at matchpoints You might miss a game if partner has an ace or as little as the club king, if the diamond ace is right; but if partner can scrounge a 1 Spade or 1 No Trump response you can rebid 4 Hearts and that’s about right on values. Or you can open 2 Clubs.

I asked The Imp’s opinion; he shrugged. (Neither bid is perverse).

But I was in fourth seat. LHO passed and Partner …. preempted 3 Spades.

Can we make slam? I need two aces with partner. I dislike preempts with two aces (except in 3rd seat, sometimes heavy), but this partner has done it from time to time. But if I give partner the black aces slam seems at best 50/50, because we might lose two quick diamond tricks. What if I declared? Six Hearts of Six NT? That might work.

But how to investigate? I can’t just shoot Blackwood. (The Imp disagrees, but it is merely pro forma). This is matchpoints, I’m happy missing a 50/50 miracle slam.

What about 3 No Trump? This guards my diamond king, but we might be open the entire club suit, not to mention that LHO might lead a club to RHO’s Ace, and then a diamond through me ends the hand.

If I had any bid that said “I agree spades, and am slammish” I’d make it. (With some partnerships, 4 Clubs after a preempt is a modified Blackwood called “Weak Man’s Keycard,” but not in this one which would let me find out cheaply). So, resigned to being dummy, I bid 4 Spades which ends the auction.

Care to guess which game(s) or slam(s) make?

The answer

It turns out that the only making games are five of either minor … for the opponents!

———- NORTH S: — H: xxx D: QJT8xx C: KJTx

WEST S: A9765432 H: — D: 9x C: xxx –|– EAST S: KQ H: AKQJT7x D: Kx C: Qx

———- SOUTH S: JT8 H: 962 D: A7x C: A98x

Partner had 8 spades to the ace, void in hearts, 2 small clubs and three small diamonds. With the diamond ace offside, the opponents should have taken the first four tricks. (They did not). But with my RHO having a spade void and my partner having no hearts, I can never get in to cash my hearts

Even then the play is admittedly tricky. South must extract all of West minors while ruffing two spades, then deliberately lose a spade to West, pitching a heart from North. West must lead another Spade, letting South pitch another heart from North while ruffing.

I’ve mentioned my companion, The Imp of the Perverse from time to time. The Imp sometimes cajoles me, trying to replace good judgement with what he considers “fun.” Often the Imp is quiet; but when we’re playing Bridge he is quite chatty. Luckily, my particular Imp listens to Reason. He won’t consider an obviously bad decision fun. But if it isn’t obvious … or he can come up with a plausible argument …

Sometimes it is tough to distinguish The Imp’s blandishments from stylistic differences. For example, should you make a takeout double with a two card minor (assuming you have 4 cards in each major, enough points, etc)? A national champion told me “You need to pass those hands,” but I believe that East Coast (Washington) Style is more case-by-case.

At least, that’s what the Imp said.

One of my regular partners (who, like most people, cannot see the Imp or hear his soothing words) summed it up as “You think too much” and just advised me to bid the hands straight down the middle and let our natural advantages win us our fair share of games. The Imp scoffed.

In The Imp’s defense …. He is definitely not right all the time, but reasonably often and — right or wrong — his advice leads to spectacular stories. He makes me a sometimes difficult partner, but that means he makes me a difficult opponent.

At a two session special club game (Their “Fifth Tuesday of the Month” game), the Imp keeps motioning towards the “breakfast” spread. Homemade cinnamon buns (cooked with bourbon), a birthday cake, donuts, a crumble cake, ginger snaps, a banana pudding. A full table. In our younger days the Imp would gorge himself and talk up each morsel until I succumbed.

Nowadays he’s also carrying some extra weight, so his heart isn’t really in it. I have a few pieces of pineapple and strawberries.

Early on the Imp doesn’t even have whisper much. We start against the director (the strongest player at the club who is not in my three-way-partnership¹), who is my RHO. Over her 1 Heart bid I something like

S: AQxx H:xx D: KJ C: Axxxx. The Imp doesn’t need to prompt me at matchpoints. We’ve had this discussion for years. Yes, a double could work out badly. But partner will prioritize spades and if we end up in diamonds the opponents will strive to compete (each assuming we have a real fit). Yes, I would prefer to bid Raptor, but this partner doesn’t play it. So I double, RHO raises to 2 Hearts and it goes all pass. During the player, declarer carefully watches my discards, assuming I started 4=2=3=4 and misses an overtrick. When she comments “I never thought you’d double with that hand,” the Imp pokes me to make sure I noticed the comment.

We move away from the breakfast spread, so now the game has the Imp’s undivided attention.

I pick up S:AQxxx H:QTxx D:8x C:xx and partner opens 1 Diamond. I have an easy 1 Spade bid. Partner rebids 2 Diamonds and the Imp clears his throat. This is another argument we’ve had so often I can hear his words. If he spoke up, he knows it would annoy me. A simple “ahem” is enough. But (for your sake)

Imp — Bid 2 Hearts. It shows 5 spades, 4 hearts. Perfect description. There’s a shot you can get to 2 Spades or 2NT and this is matchpoints. Either contract would outscore two diamonds.

Me (before I was corrupted) — 2 hearts is forcing. I admit it would be perfect if it wasn’t. And while 2 Spades will probably outscore 2 Diamonds (if partner has three), 2NT only outscores if it makes. They’ll know to lead a club its probably devastating. We probably have an 8 card fit in diamonds. Also, What if partner bids 3 Hearts? (If she has 4 hearts but not enough points to reverse) or worse, has three good hearts. Then we’ll be too high. And if partner has good clubs and 14, then she might bid 3 NT.

Imp — Yes, but Woolsey’s rule applies then.²

Me — And 3 Diamonds is strictly worse than 2 Diamonds. All downside, no upside.

Imp — It’s matchpoints, the size of the disasters don’t matter as much as frequency. In any case, fine, pass. Be the dummy. See if I care.

I bid 2 Hearts. Partner considers this only briefly before bidding 4 Hearts. Even the Imp looks surprised, but we’re both eagerly awaiting dummy. RHO leads the ominous diamond six.

It’s not the dummy we expect (6 diamonds, 4 hearts, ~14-15 points), but it might be the dummy we deserve.

Dummy S:x H:Axxxx D:KJT932 C:x

My Hand S:AQxxx H:Qxxx D:84 C:xx

The Imp nods approvingly. Partner might not have an Imp of her own, but at least she recognizes the amazing potential playing strength of her hand. (Not her fault if I don’t have my bid). Some would pass that hand instead of opening! Meanwhile I’ve got problems. I’m off two aces, at least a trump trick, and probably two diamond tricks and a diamond ruff to boot.

Another thing about the Imp — he picks his spots. He’s much louder when the opponents are weak. “Maybe it’s wrong, but they’re weak and two wrongs make it right!” is his mantra. Now he just has his shorthand of “Punish the weak!” as a closing argument. That might have been on my mind when I bid 2 Hearts. Now it’s time to deliver.

I’ve taken my time at trick one (The Imp is quiet … if too many of his bids result in disaster, I’ll stop listening …. for a while). I do an asset survey of spot cards. I have a number of options, and I should probably fly with the king, but there’s just a chance that LHO has lead from Q87 of diamonds. It would be a terrible lead, but I’ve played against this pair before. There’s a reason the Imp’s leering nods in their direction work.

I play the Jack and when RHO produces the queen I follow with the 4. RHO leads a club through. LHO wins the jack and tries to cash a high club. I ruff and cash the heart ace. RHO drops the king. Nice, but JT is still around, and a trick. But at least they won’t be on lead before the crucial point.

“Small diamond”

RHO now grimaces and thinks while the Imp shivers expectantly. When she plays the seven he lets out an ungracious whoop! as my 8 wins and now the hand is under control. Queen of Hearts. Ace of spaces, ruff a spade, ruffing finesse against the diamond ace to set up diamonds. LHO can ruff in whenever, but the diamonds are set up and dummy still has a trump entry to get to the rest of the diamonds.

The Imp pulls out a cigarette and smokes it, languidly, and I admit it. That was good. Perhaps I should have flow the king of diamonds on trick one to really sell the fact that I had a singleton, but a) that inference would probably be lost on RHO and b) I’d feel terrible if it really was a lead from Qxx.

Later on I overbid and we get to 5 diamonds. After cashing two tricks the opponents never even try to cash their two spades, instead giving me an obvious ruff and sluff to let me make. Even the Imp’s eyes grow wide, and he stays silent. That wasn’t even a swindle, just legitimate terrible play.

During Lunch the breakfast tray beckons, but the Imp seems satisfied that I have a bit more carbs from the lunch table than I should.

After lunch I pick up S:QT8xxxx H:QJxx D:– C:Ax and it goes pass-pass to me. We are vulnerable.

This is a hard hand. There’s an argument for any of spades (1-4). But — perhaps shaken by the number of close calls I’ve had so far — I decide to open 2 Spades and the Imp merely shrugs. Anything could be right. I might miss a game (but partner is a passed hand). Hearts might be a better place to play, but Hank’s Rule (“7-4 hands are one suited”) applies. I have a seventh spade (normally a no-no for a weak two bid), but they aren’t great. Being vulnerable I’m more worried about -200.

LHO bids 3 diamonds (unsurprising) and partner bids 3 Spades. RHO thinks for a second and bids 3 No Trump.

Four eyes (mine and the Imp’s) narrow in thought. With a fit, our hand can be evaluated as a 5 loser hand with Losing Trick Count (Really 5.5 as I count Qxx as 2.5 losers, but with a 9 or 10 card, 5). RHO undoubtedly has the Ace of King of spades, but also probably a fitting diamond card to bid 3NT as a passed hand. Partner has no Imp whispering in her ear, so call it 7+ points.

(Hank’s Imp scares even my companion, so I couldn’t assume that if he were across the table from me).

And if none of them are in diamonds ….

I bid 4 Spades. It such an obvious two-way shot. I’ve got good odds of making, and if not maybe 3NT makes (via one spade, six diamonds and AK of hearts or something similar). “You don’t pre-empt and bid again,” is the rule. But the Imp has Zia on his side. And its not like I was bidding 2 Spades as a pre-empt. It was more a tactical decision. And now I have a lot of information.

It goes pass-pass and RHO doubles. LHO leads a top diamond and dummy hits with

Dummy S:Axx H:KTx D:xxxxx C:xx

With my queen of spades behind the KJx, there is nothing to the play. I lose a club, a heart and a spade. +790.

The Imp and I exchange a high five.

1. Me, Roxie and The Imp ︎
2. From “Matchpoints” — When presented with the choice between an underbid and an overbid, make the bid that is more likely to get you to the correct trump suit. ︎

I recently spotted a geek-auction from a friend, which led to the another debate with my constant companion, the Imp of the Perverse.

“Shiny! Bid on some games.”

“You still haven’t played all the games you bought from the last time he had an auction, which was earlier this year.”

“So, I’ve been wanting a copy of Fields of Green since my experience trying Caverna. Earlier than that, even.”

“You mean Fields of Arle. And you haven’t even read the rules for a game from the last auction…”

“Yeah, but it looks great. I’m bidding.” And with that, the Imp of the Perverse apparated away, but not before I caught the look of disgust on his face.

I think he’s giving up on me.

(I did actually know that I wasn’t getting Fields of Arle before bidding, but it got decent reviews and — why not? — it’s not like I have a wide variety of other activities going on these days. My collection has grown a fair amount over this March-that-Never-Ended).

So far I’ve played this twice as a solitaire game, which is …. OK. FoG is a drafting/engine-builder, and in the solo game you basically have three cards, draft one, discard one, and repeat, so it retains some of the feel of the main game (I imagine). It was pleasant enough, the Imp grumbling in the back of my head that it would be better if it were great or terrible, but its OK.

I do like:

• The spatial element in the cards (square) cards. Most fields must be pretty close to a water tower, and you’ll need a few of them (you can discard a drafted card to get a water tower instead). Some cards give bonuses/penalties for being near other cards.
• Three types of currency (money, water and food) are enough to present options without the overwhelming “too many notes” aspects of some games. Food and Water also have maximums in storage (via water towers and silos).

But the downside:

• Since you get only the barest selection of cards (you can choose a distribution of fields/livestock/buildings/prestige buildings, but not the specific ones, and then you draft them) all the spatial element is mostly reactionary — oh, pigs want to be near X? Well, that’s great. You may or may not see pigs this game. Only the water tower stuff is plannable.

So — right now Fields of Green feels like some pretty good ideas, thrown together haphazardly.

Rating — Indifferent.