10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Turned 30

I made a huge intentional shift in my life in 2011. I’m now 45 years old, and looking back I realize how distinctly different my life was before and after my 30th year (mostly for the better).
If I had the chance to speak to my 30-year-old self, here are a few things I might say:
1. Creativity thrives in the small windows of free time, not the big ones. For most of my 20s I hoped for big gaps in time that were completely clear of other responsibilities–weeks and months–when I could write a novel. But the two times I had a big gap of time (the summer after college and when I was between jobs), I mostly just played and procrastinated. When I turned 30, I decided to spend 2 hours every night writing the novel, and I was done in 2 months while still maintaining my day job, friendships, and other hobbies. Realizing I could do that motivated me to also spend those small windows of time to design a game, Viticulture. This is one of the biggest changes I’ve ever made in my life, and my career with Stonemaier Games wouldn’t exist without this shift.
2. A change in location won’t make me a different person. I’m an introvert with a rather crippling social anxiety regarding approaching people. I romanticized the idea of going somewhere completely new by myself to see if a different, fearless version of Jamey would emerge, so I booked a solo trip to Ireland for a few days in 2011. Not only did I learn that I much prefer to travel with at least one other person, but also found that I’m still myself–for better or worse–even in a different country where everyone is a stranger. Another way to put this is: For the things about myself that I most want to work on, there’s no magic bullet.
3. There is so much to learn after formal education. I’m incredibly grateful for the all the teachers and professors who guided me from kindergarten through college. But there’s a whole world of knowledge outside of the classroom. I’ve learned so much about game design, for example, by listening to podcasts, reading articles, and watching videos (along with actually playing and designing games).
4. Healthy living starts to take effort after a certain age. I’ve been physically active my entire life, and I was blessed with a great metabolism, so for many years I didn’t feel the need to eat with intention. That was all fine and dandy until I started running Stonemaier Games in my early 30s, a job that often involves sitting at a desk for 12 hours a day. I was no longer playing sports as regularly, yet my diet was the same as ever (and it wasn’t even terrible–I ate fruits and vegetables every day). My body changed incrementally, and before I knew it, I was 20 lbs heavier than I’d ever been. Fortunately I realized it’s never too late to change, but I wish I could tell myself what I was doing to my body and how even 20 minutes of exercise every day can make a huge difference.
5. I don’t want kids, and I’m not alone. For most of my life, I thought I wanted to have kids–I never questioned doing the same thing my parents did (I have a brother and sister). It wasn’t until my early 30s that started to realize that the creative, nurturing, and compassionate sides of myself were fulfilled and challenged better in other ways (game design, friends, cats, etc). But when my siblings and college friends started to have kids, I struggled sometimes to feel like an “adult.” But then I started to make some wonderful friends who were just as happy not having kids as I was–and I found a partner in Megan who also doesn’t want kids–and I’m so grateful for those relationships (they even helped the relationships I had with friends and family who do have kids).

6. Money well spent makes a big difference. For the longest time, if I wanted a chocolate bar, I’d spend $0.50 at checkout at the grocery store. But one day I was shopping with a friend, and they said, “You love chocolate, right? If you love something, it’s worth paying for the best.” So I shelled out for a $5 chocolate bar, and it was amazing. This isn’t to say that I don’t still enjoy a Snickers, Kit-Kat, or Hersheys Almond from time to time. But I give myself permission to spend money on the things I love. Similarly, I’ve learned to pay for things that last–I have shoes and jeans that have lasted over a decade.
7. Every job before my career was a good use of time. I think there was a time when I didn’t believe this; I wished I could have found my path earlier in life. But whether it was waiting tables, project managing medical textbooks, or managing a nonprofit staff and fundraiser, I was learning indispensable skills and habits that have had a direct impact on Stonemaier Games’ success.
8. Loving a pet requires compassionate discipline. I adopted my beloved cat Biddy in 2007 when he was a tiny kitten, and raising him from beginning to end is one of the greatest joys of my life. Biddy loved to eat, and I gave him open access to cat food (and sometimes human food). At one point he tipped the scales at 20 lbs. He developed diabetes and required twice-daily insulin shots for the rest of his life. He died of intestinal cancer when he was 16 years old. While I don’t know if I could prevented any of Biddy’s ailments, I wish I had known earlier that I could have made Biddy’s life better overall by denying him a portion of the thing he wanted the most (kibble). Not enabling someone’s worst habit is a core part of loving them. I would truly do anything to have another month or year with Biddy–I miss him every day.
9. There is no rule that says everything must remain the way it’s always been. This applies to relationships, habits, routines, beliefs, hobbies, diet, behaviors, even our bodies. For example, for as long as I can remember, I had large protruding mole at the base of my back. I didn’t like it, but I figured it was too close to my spine to be removed. But then I asked a dermatologist about it, and she said, “Oh, sure, we can remove that right now.” Five minutes later, something that had bothered me for years was gone forever. I wish I could have known earlier that if there is any persistent element in my life that I could cut or add that would make me happier (and those around me), it’s never too late to choose to make that change.
10. Try a lot of different things to continually discover new passions. At 30, I thought I only enjoyed specific types of games and that I didn’t like party games…until I tried Telestrations, Just One, So Clover, Blob Party, and Caution Signs. At 30, I thought I enjoyed blogging as my only form of content creation…until I filmed a “my favorite mechanism” video for YouTube, tried a Facebook livecast, posted an Instagram photo, or recorded a podcast. At 30, I thought ultimate frisbee was the only disc-related sport I enjoyed…until I started playing disc golf during the pandemic and now play every week. The world is full of potential passions I have yet to try, and I won’t know if they’re for me until I actually try them!
I wasn’t sure where this list would take me, but I appreciate the opportunity to share. I’d love to hear if any of these resonate with you or if there’s something you wish you knew before you turned 30.
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Also read/watch:
- The 10 Best and Worst Decisions I’ve Ever Made
- 10 Harsh YouTube Lessons We Wish We Knew at 20 and 40 Year Olds Share Advice for Younger Self (both inspiration for this article)
If you gain value from the 100 articles Jamey publishes on this blog each year, please consider championing this content! You can also listen to posts like this in the audio version of the blog.







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clever
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